[Misfit Toys!]  [Santa Plan]  [NEW: Santa Pass]  [Essential Links]   [Adopt-A-Santa] 
[Other Santacons]  [Santa Social Graces]  [VanSantaCons Past]  [More fun]
 
Vancouver SantaCon
 Saturday, December 3rd, 2005
'Tis the season for Santa to put on a cheap red suit and go out on the town.
Vancouver's SIXTH annual Santa Rampage,
a cacophonist exercise in guerilla street theatre
and unbridled public debauchery,
will paddle the ass of consumerism this yuletide season.
Santarchy lives! Beware the Red Menace!
[website:  http://burningvan.org/santacon]   [discussion list: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/santaconvan]   [tribe.net: http://santacon.tribe.net]


 

Misfit Toy Workshop: Tuesday November 29th 7pm

@ Diana & Mike's house...

I will supply glue guns. I do have some toys, but we will need more. The basement of the Salvation Army store is a great place to get a whole basket of them for cheap.

Wrapping paper and ribbons are also needed - if anyone can volunteer to pick some up from the dollar store. We can use two colours of ribbon - one
colour for G-rated and another for X-rated toys. If there are any G-rated
toys, that is...

please email dianamite at telus dot net for address, or call 604-781-2794

Thanks.

Diana

NEW for 2005: THE VIS PASS!
To facilitate booking of Santactivities and for the ease of handling less cash on the day of, we're happy to offer a SPECIAL VIS (Very Important Santa) LAMINATE PASS!
Prepay & your laminate will include:
- your name on a fabulously designed commemorative Santa Laminate (thanks Buck Santa (aka josh))
- the Aquabus ride from Granville Island
- dinner at Shenanigan's (fried chicken, mashed potatoes & gravy)
- cover & coat check at Club 23 for Santa's Hard & Dirty night!

All of this for only $15! (subsidized by BMVancouver Fund)
MUST BE BOOKED IN ADVANCE, DEADLINE WEDNESDAY MIDNIGHT!
(we must give numbers to restaurant in advance)
ALL PASSES WILL BE HANDED OUT ON SATURDAY DEC 3rd @ SANTACON!
Payment options:
- paypal your cashola to rachelproulx at canada.com - go to https://www.paypal.com/
(in order to personlaize your pass, you must provide your real name, santa name, phone # & email if you use paypal or email that info into that email address please!)
- pay cash in person tuesday nite at Diana's for the Misfit Toys workshop
- to arrange otherwise, contact squishelle at burninbabes dot com / 604.307.0690

THE SANTA PLAN

This year's SantaCon focusses on less walking and more playing. The route we've planned will allow for maximum Santa exposure during daylight and prime time shopping hours, moving into more debauchery later on in the evening after children have gone to bed. It is a blessing to have the luxury of having our own burner night at Club 23, so we'll end there earlier than usual, and take full advantage of being all together still in great shape to party for hours. This should make for a "safer" SantaCon for all Santas!

Santa Operators:

Shameless Santa 604-617-2564
Santa's Attorney 604-562-7836
Santa Bare Ass 604-781-2794		 Swirly Santa 778.887.9475
Squishy Claus 604-307-0690
Dominatrix Santa 604.418.3521

1pm to 2:30pm
SANTACON STARTS AT GRANVILLE ISLAND!
Descend upon Granville Island, walk though Kids Market and other market buildings on your way to The Backstage Lounge, located at the north end of the Island (1585 Johnson Street, see map below for details, including where the bus drops you off). General Map to Granville Island: http://tinyurl.com/789dw
Please make every effort to arrive by 2:30pm, you won't want to miss Santa's next move!

click to enlarge

 3pm SHARP
GRANVILLE ISLAND DEPARTURE BY AQUABUS!!! (ferry included in VIS PASS)
Depart from dock at Backstage Lounge and take 5 Aquabuses across to the foot of Hornby!!!
Only 12 Santas per boat allowed! Non-pass holders: Santa fare $1.25

4pm to 4:30pm
DOWNTOWN MEETUP & quick drinks at Doolin's Irish Pub (jack frost shooters on special!)
654 Nelson, 'round the corner from Granville Street, at the Comfort Inn.

7pm - 8pm - DINNER AT SHENANIGAN's (dinner included in VIS PASS)
Buffet style dinner for Santas with the pass will include Fried Chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy. Full restaurant menu will be available for vegetarians and non-pass holders.

sometime after 11pm ? Final stop @ Club 23 (cover & coat check included in VIS PASS)
Hard N' Dirty Santacon Finisher 
23 West Cordova in Downtown East Side: http://tinyurl.com/9xl6y

   SANTA DOESN'T DRINK & DRIVE!!!!   


GRANVILLE ISLAND DETAILS

PARKING DETAILS

The parking is free in the parkades from 7pm until 7am and they are not locked. so, If you will be picking your car up by 7am, then that is an option. The other spots on Granville Island are mostly 3 hour free parking spots. The 3 hours is not counted between 7pm and 7am. So, conceivably, you could park in one of the 3 hour spots at 4pm and not have to worry about your car until the next morning at 10pm.
(NOTE! 4pm is too late for Santa!)

Adopt-A-Santa
Shameless Santa here, stepping up to coordinate the Adopt-A-Santa program for Vancouver.

So please forward to the Seattle, Portland, Victoria lists and to any other out-of-town Santi coming:

Ok Santi, wanna play a FUN game, here it is: ADOPT-A-SANTA!

It is not hard to play, and you might make new friends! Here is how it works:

You have a place in your house, whether it be a couch, some floor space or even the luxurious spare bedroom to share with an out-of-town Santa visiting for Santarchy or SantaCon.

If you are able to host or need a place for the Vancouver SantaCon date, Sat. Dec 3rd. Please have your Santi contact Shameless Santa at: shamelessdani (AT) hotmail (dot) com or by phone 604-617-2564 		Hosting Santa please answer the following questions!
A) Your name
B) Contact info: phone/email (the best way and times to get ahold of you)
C) How many you can host
D) And hosting restrictions, i.e. time constraints, transportation
and/or other obligations, pets
E) Hosting preferences: male/female, smokers/non-smokers,
drinkers/non-drinkers, substance friendly, etc...
F) Location: importantly, distance from the event, attractions and transportation
G) Any other personal information possibly affecting your guests or
abililty to host, such as ability to party 54245 hours straight w/o
breathing, napping or eating
H) Would the Santa need to bring bedding, air mattress, nothing, everything??
Guest Santa please answer the following questions!
A) Your name
B) Contact info: phone/email (the best way and times to get ahold of you)
C) How many in your group and whether you're ok to be split up or prefer to crash together
D) And guest restrictions, i.e. need to park a car, allergies, etc.

Where Else?


TRI-SANTATHON!

Santa's Social Graces

Santa Do's:
  • DO address every Santa as Santa, in the first, second, and third person, singular and plural.
  • DO have something ready to hand out, even if it's just candy canes.
  • DO uphold the hallowed tradition of Never Washing the Suit.
  • DO many thorough soaks of your cleaning product containers before storing liquor in them. (If you haven't already done so, it may be too late to start now.)
  • DO be ready for new adventure at a moment's notice.  Santa is like a shark, and must keep moving in order to thrive.
 Santa Dont's:
  • Don't fuck with the cops. If the cops tell you to do something, DO IT. If you want to get busted, do it when you and I aren't dressed the same.
  • Don't fuck with little kids. I'm serious, this is supposed to be fun. Holidays are unpleasant enough for kids these days. If we can't brighten it at least we can be one less worry for them. Remember: The kids of today are the weirdoes of tomorrow.
  • Don't fuck with store security. If they ask you to leave a store, get the hell out and be nice about it, or other Santas will take shit for it. and don't fuck with me or I'll puke on your suit, you damned imposter.
  • Don't fuck with Santa. I just might puke on your suit, you damned impostor.

 

How we deal with the public is very simple:
The answer is Santa.


Who's in charge?  SANTA
Who are you with?  SANTA
What organization are you with?  SANTA
Who organized this?  SANTA
Where did you get the buses?  SANTA
Who's that woman?  SANTA
Who's that guy?  SANTA
How did you get here?  A sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.

There are always folks who figure honesty is the best policy and that's fine.  The aforementioned statements are true.  Well, the last one is a stretch for some but what the hey.

Do not quote a web address.
Do not point out someone.
Do not give out a name.
Do not supply an e-mail address.
Do not hand out a phone number.

Remember: Dumb stares are easy. If you can't be clever, don't be a rat. Heck, who put you in charge anyway? You don't know anything. You just showed up in your Santa suit on Saturday, December 11th  at noon because the voices in your head told you to. People work hard to pull this shit together. The least you can do is act dumb and cover their butt in case of trouble.

 

 

Questions and Answers:

 

"Why are you all dressed up like Santa?"

-  "It's CHRIIIISTMAAAAS. We're SAAAANTA." said kinda slowly with lots of emphasis like the person to whom you're talking is mildly retarded.
-  Why aren't you?
-  Didn't you get the memo?
-  Because our gorilla suits are in the laundry.
-  Or, if we happen to be at a market, "Well, we came all this way for some oranges... we have terrible produce up at the north pole and all the elves have scurvy."
-  I decided to leave my Salvation Army job and join a gang
-  I have a Santa fetish.
-  What? Who? (Turn around, act surprised to see a bunch of Santas) - Oh, shit!
-  I'm only allowed to tell you if you dress like Santa.
-  To mollify a deep-seated neurosis.
-  This is a pick-up location for day labor Santas.
-  We're undercover. I'd leave the area if I were you.
-  I don't know who these impostors are but they're following me everywhere.
-  I hope I'm not the first to tell you this, but you know Santa Claus isn't real, right?
-  What Santas?  I don't see anyone else dressed like this. You must be hallucinating. Better knock off the cough medicine.
-  I don't know about those guys, but this is what I always wear on my days off.  I just figured it got trendy.
-  The nuclear plant up at the North Pole had a melt down and caused some weird mutations. We just woke up one morning and were all there. It was pretty freaky.

"Am I to understand that SANTA is responsible for this mayhem?"
-  Yes, officer. Wait, you said SANTA and not SATAN, right?

"Why are there 300 of you?"

-  Well, why is there only one of you?

 
"What is this?"
-  Apparently, there is this guy that lives at the North Pole who likes to give out gifts one day a year.  We just thought it would be fun to dress like him and run amuck in this fair city.  A bunch of drunk Santas.  What's it look like to you?
 

Essential Links



Rampages Past

2004

2003

2002 2001 2000

click to enlarge



 

Other Fun Stuff

 

 Santa Sticker Art!

The Santa Image Archive is up and running, for those who are looking for material for SantaCon stickers, handbills and web pages. A big huzzah to Santa Rüss for hosting this collection of over 50 nasty and downloadable holiday illustrations!

Go here to leaf through pages of thumbnail images:
 http://tikimojo.com/caco/santa_images/

Here's a directory of individual images in all their glory:
http://www.tikimojo.com/caco/santa05images/

Click here to download all of 'm in one BIG zip file:
http://www.tikimojo.com/caco/santa05images.zip

[Note: the "Pine-Sol label" image is for printing out and gluing over a rinsed-out clear
plastic bottle (like a corn oil bottle, 16 or 24 oz size) which can then be filled with light rum
or other golden-colored liquor. A couple of spritzes of spray fix on the paper will keep the
ink from smearing.]
 
( yes, this page sucks. Santa is too busy branding reindeer and fucking elves to pretend to be a web designer too )